“It’s an Alvis”, Colin said, getting out of the driver’s seat, and closing the car door with obvious reverence.
“Isn’t it wonderful!” Jennifer cooed. She walked towards the vehicle, entranced, the sway of her slim legs adding to Colin’s already considerable enthusiasm. Fingering the stylish fittings of the car, Jennifer turned towards him with an adoring smile.
“When can we …. take a ride?” she asked sweetly.
“Well, there’s just one little problem, dear – it’s not quite my own car, as yet”, he replied, his face turning a tinge more red.
“Not yours? You mean, you haven’t paid for it yet?”
“That’s right, darling, I haven’t. You see, I just need a little bit of extra cash.”
“And where might this …. cash, be coming from?”
“Well, dear, you remember your grandmother’s jewellery, which was left to you when we were married? I was just wondering ….”
This is a nicely set-up scene Tony, with a strong sense of character - you haven't quite filled the brief in that there are supposed to be ten unattributed lines, and youve given four. They would go something like this:
ReplyDelete'Do you need anything?' asked Jennifer.
'Apart from a bloody miracle, no,' Colin replied.
'Oh come on,' said Jennifer. She sat on the bed. 'You're doing fine.'
'They're going to take my leg off,' said Colin. 'How is that fine?'
'We don't know that for sure.'
'We bloody do. They don’t care.'
'They're doing everything they can.'
'It's killing me.'
'Just try and get some sleep.'
'I’d like to see you bloody sleep with gangrene in your leg.'
'We don’t know for sure its gangrene.'
'Why is it green then?'
'It might be just a normal part of the healing process.'
'Healing process my arse.'
Here we are still sure who is speaking even at the end of this protracted unattributed exchange. (Mind you, yours is better.)