Lila hurriedly finished her packing, Charlotte was waiting for her in the car. Lila took a last look around her trailer, she was both excited and scared. The steps she took towards the car seemed the most perilous of her life and more dangerous than any of her tightrope walks, her future was unrehearsed.
Charlotte opened the car door, Lila ran the last few metres as if completing a marathon, Charlotte turned on the ignition and Lila’s new life started.
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I found this exercise difficult, especially when trying for bad, but also acceptably readable if the comma splices were corrected. I wanted to add more detail, using allowed commas. (In my view, a "correct" version of this would sound like a Janet and John type narrative!). I also wish I had been taught grammar when at school...
The comma splice, so so many other points of 'correct' grammar, is only really incorrect by convention (compare the split infinitive). The cruel reality is that many established authors will use comma splices for effect, knowing what they are doing - but if a writer uses one and is judged to have done it by mistake, the consequences could be severe (ie slush pile). Best to avoid, therefore.
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