Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Sandra: Dialogue

'Jennifer please get your dog under control' Colin shouted.
Jennifer called her unruly labrador back. 'Henry come'.
Henry looked at her and carried on sniffing the rear end of a rather attractive dobermann.
'Henry come' she pleaded.
Colin walked towards her 'No, no, no. that is no good at all.  You have to make yourself more interesting. Inject some enthusiasm into your voice'.
'It's no good is it? He is not going to leave that dog to come to me'.
'Watch and learn'.
Colin held up a titbit at shoulder height and running backwards called out in a voice reminiscent of a demented parrot. 'Hen-er-ry come'.
Henry looked up and ran at full pelt towards Colin who fed him the titbit.
'Good boy, What a good boy.  Treat and praise Jennifer, everytime treat and praise'.
'But..'
'No buts. Now get his lead on and walk him along the line of dogs. Do not allow him to pull you along'.
'How do I stop five stone of solid muscle from pulling?'
'Make him sit before you begin. You are forgetting the very basics. How do you expect him to remember if you don't'.
Colin raised his eyebrows in a way that Jennifer found intensly irritating
'Henry sit'.
Henry stood with one foot securely planted at each corner of his body.
'Henry sit'.
'No,no,no. never repeat a command. Ask him once and expect him to obey. You are the boss. Give him to me let me show you'.
Jennifer handed over the lead.
'Here you are boss'. she said as she turned smartly on her heel and walked out of the door.



1 comment:

  1. Ha ha! Nice photo! He looks like a Henry. I really liked this Sandra, well done. You've got lots of unattributed lines and the result is generally clear. There is one point, the first 'Henry sit', where it is not absolutely crystal clear who is speaking, Colin or Jennifer. I presume it's Jennifer but there's a small possibility it might be Colin demonstrating what he has just recommended, and this doubt is enough to make the reader lose a tiny bit of confidence in the writing, which is a shame, because it's a great piece, full of amusing characterization. Well done. By the way there isn't a single comma splice.

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