The house was larger than he'd expected and, as they drew up outside, he scanned the windows of the houses either side for evidence of the kind of people he didn't want as neighbours. They sat, silently, for a few moments, both looking, watching, listening, thinking.
Jennifer spoke first. "Looks good, doesn't it?"
"Mmm." he said. "I s'pose so."
"Colin." She spoke firmly now. "This has literally landed in our lap. We'd be mad not to..."
"Look at it?" he interrupted.
"I was going to say, take it!"
"Take it? We're not even out of the car yet!"
"Well I can tell what it's like."
"How the hell can you tell?"
"It's the right street for a start...."
"And by the right street, you mean exactly.... what?"
"You know what I mean."
"Do I?"
"Yes. You do. We've talked about it."
"Wrong. You've talked about it. A lot. I've listened."
She turned to look at him, and he saw her tight smile. "Oh thanks." she said quietly.
She was hurt, but he really couldn't care less. He just didn't want to to this.
Yes - very good. You got the idea perfectly. One other thing you did was to keep Colin's point of view throughout - it would have been confusing if you'd switched to Jennifer's perceptions by describing her feelings, for instance. So 'He could see she was hurt' might read better than 'She was hurt' but that's a quibble.
ReplyDelete