'Turn the handle and open the door for Christ's sake!' said Seb.
'I've got a bad feeling about this,' Ellie hesitated, 'It feels wrong.'
'Well we can't just turn around now, we've come too far to just walk away. Just open it!' said Elizabeth impatiently.
Ellie slowly turned the smooth brass knob and felt the heavy door give. With an audible snap the latch sprung back in its casing and Ellie let the door swing in of its own accord. The air around them grew cooler and Damo felt his arms prickle. The cool air seemed to gush out from the room which upon further inspection revealed a shadowy darkness containing deeper silhouettes. Just floating under the surface an unidentifiable but somehow familiar smell.
Seb instantly started forward, which seeing as he was near the back had the effect of shoving everyone into the room (not of their own accord). The group stumbled in as one and tried to keep their footing in the gloomy surroundings, arms outstretched. There was a small shriek as Ellie tripped over something and the vibration of her thump on the wooden floor was felt by everyone.
'Who was that?' Damo cried out, 'Who fell? Is everyone okay?'
'It was me Damo,' said Ellie in a bemused but unmistakeably Ellie voice, 'I tripped over something, just everyone keep still while our eyes adjust.'
Seb started to scrape his fingers against the walls around the door frame, looking for a light switch.
'There!' he said triumphantly clicking the switch.
But as the room was illuminated a grisly scene greeted them. There on the floor sat Ellie, and at her feet lay the body of a woman not long dead by the look of her, but the more the four friends gaped, the more that now slight but persistent odour seemed to intensify.
'Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God,' Ellie repeated, with each uttering becoming slightly louder and more hysterical.
Damo gagged and choked back the salty tasting vomit that threatened to spew forth.
Elizabeth began to back away and bumped into Seb, which made her cry out loud.
'Ellie,' said Seb holding Elizabeth's shoulder and beckoning to Ellie, 'Ellie, just get up slowly and come over to us,' he coaxed in a soothing voice. 'Ellie stop looking at it, look at us and come over here where it's safe.'
Ellie got up very slowly. All she could feel was the cold spot on her foot where she had stumbled over the, the........She began to shake and could taste her own tears as they slid into her open mouth.
What snapped Ellie out of this frozen state was the loud crash as Damo fell to the floor in a dead faint.
Decisive piece of writing Sam. I liked the sinister atmosphere you created in the beginning and the way the action flowed with Ellie's fall. The shock when the light went on and the horror when the body was discovered was undersccoered by the collapse of one of the companions. PETER.
ReplyDeleteIs the 'unidentifiable but somehow familiar smell' the smell of decomposing flesh? Perhaps this is the second or third murder....? I do hope so. I think the use of sensory detail really adds to this scene - the discovery of such a thing after all would be a powerfully visceral, physical experience. As a writer one has the ability to take experiences that we often label 'personal' - those to do with bodily processes - and show them for what they really are - communal; this gives one a certain power over the reader, who experiences a shock of recognition.
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