“Who drew on this banana?” As soon as the words and accusatory tone flew from his mouth, Dan wished he had paused for thought.
A rapid fuse of silent communication ran through his team. He saw raised eyebrows, smiles and smirks, then flashes of trepidation, contempt and sympathy. A few studiously returned to their work, deciding to be deaf to his question.
Dan considered his next move. He wondered who had found out and who had sufficient balls to leave the banana on his desk. Then it occurred to him that none of them knew.
The drawing could have been a celebration of his ongoing success as top banana and their assumption that he was about to be given the new phone. Damn it, he was losing the plot. He became less sure of what he had just seen.
He had too readily jumped to the conclusion that the offending banana, with the crudely drawn window and keypad along its inner curve, referenced Carter’s recent refusal to upgrade his Blackberry to the latest Apple phone. In the nuanced symbolism of office politics, his expert subject, this was a clear sign that he was no longer considered a key player.
Dan’s life was defined by his key player status.
This is really good! Imagine this as the opening to a story and you would certainly want to read on. You've sketched out the character well and there is a lot of 'inside' type detail that convinces. The movement is there because we want to know where Dan is going to go next. Good opening.
ReplyDeleteClearcut narrative and decisive analysis of the main character and his interpretation of the meaning of the banana drives the story on with interest in the outcome. PETER
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