The end of the novel (as envisaged!) involves a transition of mood. To begin with, Rushton is depressed – death is seen as a threat, the “enemy”. Then he decides to give up thinking about death and what might (or might not) come after it. The imminence of some kind of “end” prompts him to give life the final say – he can gather together the things of his life which “endure”. He contemplates these things as an end in themselves, rather than stages on the way to the end. So those experiences, places and persons become objects of contemplation, and a source of fulfilment.
[What follows is a rough draft of the end of the novel(!)]
The night was growing upon him, the early March night, with its tantalizing promise of spring. He would not see the morning. He would not see the new day. The night beyond the high hospital windows was dark. He no longer cared. He knew, now, the things that were – those things which he had dug up out of the vast treasury of the past.
The windows, the faces, the conversations, the seasons, the landscapes. An offer accepted, a decision made. The woman who had loved him ….
His breathing had slowed. The machines around his failing body would be stirred into life - the depths of the night would be stirred by the sounds and voices of alarm. They would come, the men and the women, still fit for another day, ready for the touch of the sun and the ticking of the clock. They would do what they could. They would goad his weakening heart, bring in machines to rouse his fading body – they would strip him naked as a baby – they would try their best. For them, it would seem like a failure – he knew that well enough. They would reject it, then, his useless, failed body - they would register another death.
Against such an ending, he would do what he could. He would rest, now, in the life he had regained. To summon up those boundless days and nights! Yes, he would call upon them now, and feel in his heart, once more, the wonder and the joy ….
Yes, this sounds very real. It reminds me of another book that deals with imminent death and is written in a similarly uplifting tone. It is called Before I Die. Although the plot line and characters are in no way similar to your own Tony, the ending gives one the same feeling of peace and dare I say fulfillment in the knowledge of a life well lived, Although the book to which I refer deals with the death of a much younger character.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting idea for the end and your draft had some good things in it. I was slightly confused as to what he was doing - whether he was fighting the dying of the light ('Against such an ending, he would do what he could.') or gathering memories, and the ending as a result lacked some of the crystal clear focus of the first paragraph? Perhaps? I'm not sure. Also contrast 'His breathing had slowed' with an alternative - 'his breathing slowed'...which would track the changes as they happened and give more immediacy. But I like what you're doing with this and it's turning into a very engaging philosophical novel - reminded me a bit of John Betjeman's poems on death.
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