Monday, 31 January 2011

Peter--Sub-plot (development of new characters)


Hazy sunlight filtered through the  closed curtains, casting a solemn blue shade across the silent  bedroom. Two dark figures, an elderly man and woman, heads slightly bowed, stood  anxiously staring down at a girl lying in the bed.  On the other side, a bespectacled man in a white coat.  The girl lies, head propped high on pillows, eyes firmly closed, breathing heavily. From a bag on a metal stand a nasogastric tube drips fluid in fits and starts.  Her arms lay outside the blankets, the right hand tightly gripping a small, black camera.

“How long has she been like this doctor?” asked a dignified, broad-shouldered man wearing a smart black overcoat,  his face betraying an expression of authority.

“It’s over a month now since the accident and she shows no sign of waking.  She suffered a serious blow to the head that has caused her to be in a coma.  However, apart from heavy bruising on her legs and a slight fracture to her right cheekbone, our examinations show no serious damage elsewhere”, the  doctor answered, touching the corner of his dark spectacles.

“Any damage to the brain, doctor?” said the woman, her sharp eyes scrutinizing the patient.

“Not according to our X-rays.”

“How long could she remain in this state?” asked the man in an earnest lower tone,  nervously tapping his Homburg hat against his right leg.

The doctor sighed.  “ It could be months. Then again, she could wake up tomorrow.”

“The camera....?” the woman said, peering closely at the clenched hand.

“Ah, the camera.  She was clutching it when she was rescued from the car and we found it impossible to remove it from her. We fear that if we take it from her, it could have a  disastrous effect.”

For a moment the three studied the child. “You know your niece can hear every word we  speak.  I think perhaps it is better if we go now  to my office.”  The three quietly retreated across the room and, as they left, Nurse Murphy slipped through the door, gently clicking it  to a close.

*********

Maisie was far, far away from that secluded room in a corner of Surrey.  She inhabited a world so strange, so challenging, her heart beat faster.  It was a world where great black bastions of cliffs descended down to the sea and at their foot  were girdled by massive flat  rocky ledges, ceaselessly  pounded by foaming seas.  Here, screeching seabirds dived and colonies of walrus lay crammed together like sacks along the inhospitable shore.


At one end of the beach, the sea had eroded the cliff side and a seething channel of water entered a large cave.  The jagged rocks assembled inside looked like gigantic grey teeth.

Deep in the dark  interior of this fearful place, Griselm, the walrus, with a loud snort that echoed eerily through the endless, subterranean chambers, slowly drew his huge  body out of the shallow channel.  Risik, his changeling minion, stood nearby, whiskered  nose held high in contempt while his protruding, razor-sharp incisors shone in the faint light.  Dark locks fell loosely to his shoulders.  His arms were man-like but the sealskin that hung loosely from his back  like some forbidding cloak gave the impression of a sinister manta ray.  The legs were thin, smooth and developed at the back into the shape of shark fins while the feet were flat and web-like.   

In silence they made their way along a pebble track, Griselm grumbling as he drew his bulk  forward and Risik half bent over to avoid the lowered ceiling.  Ahead of them was a blue glow and the unfamiliar warmth became unbearable as they approached the light.  At last, they reached its source and were standing on a promontory overlooking a long, ultramarine blue  pool  not far below, which stretched to the far recesses of the cave.  Near to the centre of the lake there was a brilliant yellow glow whose flickering light was deflected through the translucent waters.  Swimming helplessly beneath the surface were several human figures, each of whom was connected by a thin golden thread to the dazzling light.  Among the struggling swimmers, Maisie recognized herself by the camera she still held in her hand.

Griselm grunted something to Risik.  The creature answered in a low, almost gasping tone.  “The girl is a new arrival.  You want me to take the machine she holds and cut the cord that  gives her life?”  Griselm shook his head emphatically from side to side and mumbled angrily.

“Just the machine…” Risik understood, already beginning to climb down the rocky cliff to the blue waters below.
*************
In the quiet Surrey hospital, Nurse Murphy flung open the door and shouted frantically along the corridor, “Doctor, doctor, please come quickly!”
*************


3 comments:

  1. This is writing of very great immediacy. The central idea - that of a community of sentient walruses controlling the destiny of a child in a hospital bed in Surrey - is original and bizarre without being alienating. In summary, you feel free (very important - not everyone is happy to award themselves this sort of freedom) to give full rein to your imagination and the results are always interesting. Does this qualify as a sub-plot? I mean, doesn't the fate of Maisie tie in with your main plot? A subplot (Gloucester-King Lear) should in some senses be independent and have its own separate dramas. I'm not sure if this qualifies at the moment.

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  2. I thought this was very atmospheric writing, Peter, and I liked the new twist - a bit like 'Ashes to Ashes' meets 'The Matrix'. It would make an excellent film!

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  3. I agree with Julie, This is very visual and atmospheric. I feel that it is a screenplay in the making. I am always drawn in to your writing and pictures form in my mind as soon as I start reading it. Maybe screen writing is your forte?

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