Tuesday, 5 October 2010

Sheila: First Sentence

Diana gripped the handlebars tightly  and felt the wind tearing through her long blonde hair, as her legs turned the pedals faster and faster.  

It is a growing up family story about a young girl in the 60's and 70's, how she becomes an adult and  her life.
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2 comments:

  1. moderator5 October 2010 at 10:37

    A lot of baby boomers like me will identify with this character. I want to see where you go with it next.

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  2. Gary5 October 2010 at 15:43

    Nice start! Was it a back pedal brake I wonder. I'm wondering about that comma. If you take out 'gripped the handlebars tightly and' and remove the comma, you get 'Diana felt the wind tearing through her long blonde hair as her legs turned the pedals faster and faster.' which is
    I think slightly better.

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