Sarah was rifling through the sideboard drawer searching for a pair of scissors, when she found the photograph. She picked it up, curiously the little girl in the picture looked very like her. The girl stood on a wooden pier taking a picture of something or someone.
"Who is this Gran?" she asked. Gran looked over her shoulder and took the photo from her. "Its your mother", she said. "She must have been about five years old. It was just after grandad died we had gone to stay with my sister in law Elsie and her husband Stan for a break. They lived in Great Yarmouth at the time.
It was a freezing cold day I remember and Elsie had bought your mother a new coat and hat; her old coat was too small and I had no money to replace it. She was so proud of that coat. Elsie and Stan liked to spoil
your mother,not being blessed with chldren themselves. We all walked down to the pier together to look at the sea and your mother wanted a picture of Elsie and Stan so Stan gave her his camera to take the photo and I used our old brownie to take this picture of Alice taking their photo, she looked so sweet".
Sarah could think of many words to describe her mother 'sweet' was not one of them. She looked quizzically at Gran who sighed loudly then handed the photograph back to her.
Sarah looked again at the photo, she had always thought that the two of them had nothing in common but the physical resemblance was striking. Sarah wondered exactly what had turned her mother from the innocent young girl in the picture taking a photo of her auntie and uncle to the viscious, heartless woman that she knew. She remembered giving her mother a birthday card a few years ago that she had made herself, she had written inside the card 'To my mummy, I love you' and drawn hearts and kisses with a purple wax crayon. Her mother took the card and then without reading it ripped it up and threw it on the fire.
She remembered every well aimed slap and every sarcastic put down that cut through her like barbed wire leaving wounds that left scabs that she would pick at for the rest of her life.
"Can I keep it? she asked Gran. "Of course you can, love", Gran replied.
Sarah took the photograph and put it face down in the bottom of her jewellery box and never looked at it again.
The characters come alive and I like the atmosphere you create about them. I was completely taken aback by the ending. I thought perhaps the photo had triggered in Sarah a change of opinion about her mother. Intrigued to know why she kept the photo. Peter.
ReplyDeleteFrom initial she asked, she said speech note descriptions you move into a great use of Gran's speech and language to bring her character and era alive. I like the way you have used the photo to raise memories, doubts and questions in Sarah's mind. There is a good potential hook/some tension at the end re why Sarah kept the photo in a special place then never looked at it again. Why?
ReplyDeleteFrom this I would guess that the main character would be about ten at the time the story takes place? It might be an idea to try and bring this out a little more, though I realise this is a short piece. Your Gran-character is well drawn and the central situation is well handled, but you must try and take more care with punctuation - there are a lot of comma splices here (e.g. 'Sarah looked again at the photo, she had always thought that the two of them had nothing in common but the physical resemblance was striking.') and the style is sometimes somewhat breathless - for example in the sentence 'We all walked down to the pier together to look at the sea and your mother wanted a picture of Elsie and Stan so Stan gave her his camera to take the photo and I used our old brownie to take this picture of Alice taking their photo, she looked so sweet', you really need to split it up into more sentences or use commas.
ReplyDeleteGenerally speaking though this is characteristically imaginative and the photo has been integrated well. Just imagine - another 20 photos and you would almost have a plot!