The shadows cast a gloomy lour over the bay and the hills beyond. She stood motionless watching the metamorphosis from summer stillness and glorious colour to the dark green dampness of dusk.
I like this opening sentence - its lack of clauses and repetition of 'and' makes it quite Hemingwayesque. It might be better as two sentences though, with a full stop after 'bay'. Also, do shadows cast a light - or does light cast a shadow?
Thanks Gary. This is so useful to have another person seeing it from a different perspective. I have now changed the word 'light' in the first sentence to lour ( not sure about that tho'so open to suggestions there...) and also put a full stop as you suggested.
I like this opening sentence - its lack of clauses and repetition of 'and' makes it quite Hemingwayesque. It might be better as two sentences though, with a full stop after 'bay'. Also, do shadows cast a light - or does light cast a shadow?
ReplyDeleteThanks Gary. This is so useful to have another person seeing it from a different perspective. I have now changed the word 'light' in the first sentence to lour ( not sure about that tho'so open to suggestions there...) and also put a full stop as you suggested.
ReplyDelete'Lour' describes perfectly the image I think you're trying to convey, but I did have to look up the meaning.
ReplyDelete