Gilbert sat at his usual corner table. If anything the place was busier than usual in spite of the recession. No doubt the rain had drawn some of the punters in, just as it had drawn him in. The smell of roasting coffee beans and hamburgers too powerful to resist. Gilbert frequented Ellens Stardust Diner regularly now preferring its easy ambience to the more palatial and pristine establishments on 51st Avenue. He enjoyed the anonymity of the place and the fact that he could sit here all night undisturbed if he choose too. Gilbert was an ardent people watcher and relished watching the antics of the customers at neighbouring tables.
Seated directly in front of his table a young couple were scanning the menu. The waitress hovered by the table, pen poised ready to take their order. Gilbert had deduced that they were only recently married. The shiny wedding rings that gleamed in the pink florescent light were a dead giveaway. The man was brushing his hand along his wifes leg under the table, probably thought he could not be seen. Gilbert smirked to himself. The girl was actually quite plain in appearance, nice eyes and a pretty smile but in the street no-one would give her a second glance. Her partner, however, was stunning. Far beyond handsome but he seemed to be blissfully unaware of it.
Although seated you could tell he would be over six feet tall, muscular stature but not too bulky, maybe a runner or a tennis player. Wavy jet black hair, piercing blue eyes, tanned as if he spent a lot of time outdoors. He had an air of self assurance about him as if he was used to being the boss. When he smiled Gilbert noticed with great delight that he had the most perfect set of teeth.. Pearly white and evenly spaced, a
dentists dream. Good teeth were high on Gilbert's list of desirable assets!
His wife was having trouble deciding between a 'Be Bob A Lula burger' or a 'Popeye Crisp Bacon Spinach Salad,. She laughingly confessed to the waitress that it was the names of the dishes that appealed to her.
Gavin smiled beguilingly at the waitress and said they would take one of each and share.
"Sure thing sir", she replied, leaning over slightly more than necessary for her to retrieve the menu from him and revealing her ample cleavage. "Can I get you any drinks?". Gavin ordered two budweisers and she flounced off.
The black and red uniform of the waiting staff at Ellens suited her dark colouring perfectly, but the red heeled shoes which looked so good made her feet swell by the end of the evening. Christine knew that tonight was going to be busy and already her toes were pinching. she had worked at Ellens for almost a year now to fund her place at Manhattan School of Music on Upper Westside. Christine had always loved the fifties classics and had a clear, crisp soprano voice, so when she landed the job at Ellens with its performing waiting
staff she was thrilled.
As she walked toward the kitchen she glanced at the clock by the lifsize statue of Elvis. It was 8.55pm. She had five minutes to deliver the order to the kitchen, touch up her cherry red lipstick and hope against hope.. slip her feet out of those damned shoes for a couple of blissful minutes.
Jose was the head chef this evening. He snatched the order from Christine without giving her a second glance and pinned it on the wall behind him. Jose worked like a trojan and expected nothing less from his staff.
He was a big man with a big voice which he used with great effect to chivvy those that worked with him.
By the end of the evening his face would be red with effort and the busier the diner became the louder he shouted. At the end of the evening he would emerge from the kitchen and ask one of the lady customers to dance and they would waltz amidst the tables whist two waiters crooned 'Blue Moon'. Jose had on occasion also been known to be pesuaded to give his very spirited rendition of 'Great Balls of Fire' but this was after he had downed several shots of tequila.
Christine was thoroughly infatuated with Jose but he was completely oblivious to her feelings and she despaired of ever getting to first base with him.
Gilbert however, had noticed. He had seen the way she looked at Jose and noticed how she lost her usual composure whenever he was close by. Gilbert liked Christine nad felt sorry for her, she didn't stand a chance it was obvious to Gilbert that Jose was gay.
For the moment though Gilberts attentions were elsewhere. A small boy about five years old was staring at him from across the diner. It was clearly the boys birthday as he had a purple balloon tied to his seat. The boy was retrieving a toy car from under the table when he caught sight of Gilbert and was too young to put much credence to his mothers insistence that it was rude to stare! Gilbert was feeling decidedly uncomfortable at the unwanted attention. A keen observer himself he was not happy with the role reversal.
Luckily for Gilbert the boys attention was diverted when Christine walked across to the boys table carrying a birthday cake complete with candles. The pianist burst into 'Happy Birthday' and Christine led the singing encouraging everyone to join in. As soon as the cheering died down two waiters hoisted her up onto the marble bar and she posed seductively as she sang 'Diamonds are a girls best friend'.
Halfway through the song Gilbert heard a clatter as a fork fell onto the tiled floor. He glanced over and saw a young man bend as if to pick it up but instead he put his hand inside a rucksack, which was placed carefully between his knees. He appeared to hesitate and glanced around nervously. Christine sang "and we all lose our charms in the end" and the next thing Gilbert heard was the BANG.
For a second the diner was bathed in white light and Gilbert saw Christine hurtling through the air like some circus trapeze artiste. Then the old brownstone building seemed to turn inside out on itself. Several people screamed as the Elvis statue hurtled through the window narrowly missing Gilbert's head. The six foot ceiling fan crashed down garrotting several people on its way. Gilbert could see the small boy laying under the table, his eyes wide open with a chair leg pinning his small frame to the floor. The balloon untouched swinging in the air. Laying by the boys side was one of Christines red shoes. Gilbert could not see Christine.
The man with the good teeth was coughing in the thick acrid dust. His lower body covered with debris, pieces of plaster and brick mingled with french fries and blood. With a concerted effort he managed to push the debris from him and stood unsteadily, trying to take in the devastation around him. His stomach hurt like hell. He was no doctor but thought he had no doubt ruptured his spleen.
People were screaming, crying or moaning but worse was the silence of those that lay dead; their faces contorted in terror. A quick glance around the room told him that there would not be many survivors. Those that were still alive would die quickly from shock unless help arrived soon. Gavins new wife had been thrown away from him in the blast and he scanned the room trying to spot her. He recognized her handbag laying on its side with the contents strewn across the debris, but where was she?
Another man cried out to him "Help me please". It was Jose, his face badly burned, blind and stumbling, falling over the dead and dying. Gavin mnaged to grab his hand and haul him over to a corner where he told him to wait till help arrived,
Then he saw her, her hair matted with blood and brick dust, she was moaning quietly but Gavin had heard those moans many times during his tours in Afghanistan and his heart sank. He tenderly brushed the debris from her face and gently kissed her, whispering his love for her.
Gilbert never cried but he could feel the tears welling up, must be all the dust he told himself.
Outside he could hear the sirens of the emrgency services, time for me to go he thought.
Gilbert looked around for an escape route, he was luckier than most being of a small stature he could squeeze through the smallest hole. There had after all to be some advantage in being a mouse!
Liked the way you built up the atmosphere in the diner. I could clearly see the young lovers and the waitress. Again, totally taken by surprise by the last sentence. Surely this was what Londoners call 'Taking the Gilbert'.
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful 'denoument'to this story. What you could do with this concept of a non- human watching their stories unfold. Great idea. I loved it
ReplyDelete'Good teeth were high on Gilbert's list of desirable assets!' And of course later we see why. This is a great ending, and, as Hilary said, could be stretched out to the span of a novel – Don Marquis did the same for archy and mehitabel (lower caps intended). There are some very clever moments, as when we see the undamaged balloon. However there is also a great deal of rushed writing – for example ‘The man was brushing his hand along his wifes leg under the table, probably thought he could not be seen.’ This needs some punctuation and a relative clause. There are also some problems with point of view (POV). The change of POV from Gilbert to Christine and then back again is disorientating – especially since it happens within a paragraph. Writers who wish to pull off this trick might need to separate the change with a chapter break, and it can’t be accomplished within a paragraph (usually). The man with the good teeth - Gavin - also claims a POV at one point when we hear his thoughts - but when you begin talking about him as Gavin it is not clear that he is in fact the man with the good teeth. With some careful editing though this is a funny, imaginative and accomplished piece.
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